Sometimes I think I’ll never figure out what I want to do when I grow up. Then I wonder when I grew up. I have a newish husband, two cats, and a very popular hummingbird feeder. The latter two entertain each other pretty well. The husband is simply “the best.” I am lucky.
I recently discovered that I love sparkling water. Preferably lime, from Trader Joes. I like to watch Stepford Wives when I clean. I try not to let things rattle me. I think people see me as a hippie or a passivist even though most of the time I’m screaming on the inside. I hate it when people talk on the cell phones in a line. Or at a register. Or when they continue to talk while they pee in a public place. I love to travel and own many bottles of body wash under 3 ounces. And some that are big, for road trips. Our road trips almost always require lots of soap. My father has a British accent. I don’t, but sometimes people look at me funny when I say certain words. Like “buried.” My favorite piece of furniture is my yoga ball. I haven’t actually done yoga in years, and that makes me a little sad. I live in Los Angeles. I love it because of the location, but not because of the city. There are certain days I love my job too. But it is not what defines me. I struggle with this concept, since success has always meant ‘CEO’. And I’m finding that maybe success isn’t related to what I do. Rather, I think it should be about who I am. I fight with this constantly, trying to convince myself I’m right.Maybe one day I can even call myself successful. If I learn to persuade my own head.
I dream of having a house and a yard and a job I love every day, and then I get terrified. I dream of kids and get even more terrified. But I still dream. And somehow the terror doesn’t seem as important as it used to be. Because I am happy. I am lucky. And I think 2012 will be a fantastic year.