Commuter Review: The (first few chapters of the) Audio book of “Legend in Green Velvet”

Ok. Maybe I should start calling these “Commuter Rants” instead of reviews. Because honestly? How do I  keep choosing these books that make me crazy?

Maybe the books don't make me crazy. Maybe it's everything else.
Maybe the books don’t make me crazy. Maybe it’s everything else.

The Legend of Green Velvet by Elizabeth Peters was chosen for multiple reasons.

1) It was available for check out, and in the “popular” section at that!

2) Historical fiction. I love the stuff, can’t get enough. (Pillars of the Earth anyone? or The Historian?)

3) Murder mystery. Again, awesome. I’m a neurotic puzzle solver, and have been known to scream at the television and blurt out what I think are blatantly obvious plot lines that then ruin the rest of the movie/show for my husband.

4) Bonus! It’s set in SCOTLAND!

For all of these reasons, I was hopeful and excited about starting this book. And then I started it. And it was boring. But hey, sometimes books don’t always start out with action (though I think they all should) and I kept listening.

and then.


The main character, an American woman archaeologist in Scotland, is likable enough, very book-smart, and street- dumb. Which is unfortunate as it turns her into a “stereotypical american” who thinks she knows better than everyone she meets.

Oh, and she meets.

The first guy she meets comes on to her, and then proceeds TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HER. It’s loosely implied there might have been sex, however consensual, but the words that are chosen for the particular scene leave it up to the reader to decide what happened. And then she spends 10 minutes lamenting about her bruises, how sore she is from his ferocity, and beating herself up for then not accepting his invitation to dinner. Because really, she should have gone to dinner with him, he was so charming.

Here’s where I lay on my car horn and scream obscenities at the author of this book.

The next man she meets proceeds to immediately call her an “idiotic female” and of course, it’s absurdly clear that she’s falling in love with him.

Then someone gets murdered, which makes her swoon a lot and fall into the arms of the nearest man around. Who, I’m sure, will turn out to be some sort of jerk. Who she’ll love.

Let me repeat – this was written by a woman.

Ugh. UGh UGHG Ugh.


And yes. I’ll keep listening, because for some reason again, I hold this weird hope that it will get good. I know, I’m a hypocrite. But really, this better turn around FAST or I’m liable to drive myself into a wall.


2 thoughts on “Commuter Review: The (first few chapters of the) Audio book of “Legend in Green Velvet”

  1. I feel like we are probably sympatico in the book world! How did it turn out? Did you find a better book to listen to? I recently found a new-to-me mystery author – Elizabeth Haynes – and she definitely has audio versions of her titles available : ]

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