It would be easy for me to tell you I love you. To say how much I care. But the truth is I could get lost among the mountaintops for endless seasons, trying to find the right words to describe what I feel.
I’ve been lost in my own head for hours, searching. Sometimes that’s the problem with words. Nothing that ends up on paper feels quite right. It’s not enough. It doesn’t dance and move, it doesn’t leap off the page and sit in your chest, the heavy feeling of love, and lust, and the knowledge of being just one half of two souls combined. You are my world, my color and light.
Today is the 5 year anniversary of our wedding day. Our sopping wet, freezing cold, dirty, muddy, white lace wedding day. I feel like we spent the first four years in utter bliss, adventuring around and hanging off ropes without a care in the world. Love will do that, you know. It will make you jump, hearts full of faith that there will be a soft landing on the other side.
So we jumped. I got pregnant and things were odd for a while. My body was no longer mine and I didn’t like the way that felt. But we found ways to smile and laugh and love. You always knew how to make me happy. We both grew to love the little kicks, the big hiccups, the ever stronger salsa dancing in my swelling belly.
When she was born I was suddenly thrown into a spin cycle on high. An unbalanced load, bouncing around and smashing into walls. I spiraled, the bottom fell out. You didn’t know how to make me happy. Neither did I. But I will always remember one thing. You never stopped being there for me.
Thank you. For being you, for being by me and for being my rock. When we got engaged I leaned on you to slide down a canyon wall. When we had our daughter I leaned on you to help save me from sliding any farther. And the knowledge that you were there – will always be there – is a true anchor in my life. You are my love, you are my passion. You are the greatest teammate anyone could ever ask for, and I feel eternally lucky that you chose me. For better or worse, we pledged to celebrate life on that rainy day 5 years ago.
We’ve had so very much of the better.